Willingness to work
Taking stock of what we're willing to sacrifice.
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
Henry David Thoreau
Success is the one thing we say we all want.
We see successful people: their lifestyle, their family, their wealth, their reputation, and we want those things for ourselves. These people live lives we only dream about, so it’s no surprise we feel a sting of jealousy when we look at them.
What we don’t consider is what it actually took to get there.
If given the opportunity to trade places with any of these people on an hour-by-hour basis, most of us would say no.
They’re up early when we’re sleeping in. They’re staying up late when we’re catching up on rest. They’re in the gym when we’re having a drink with friends. They’re working on interesting problems while we’re on vacation. They’re having difficult conversations with the people they love when we’re choosing the path of least resistance.
Success in multiple areas of life creates the perception of a wonderfully simple existence, but the opposite is usually true. The more impressive someone looks from the outside, the harder their life tends to be behind closed doors.
We see the outcomes, but we don’t see the years of effort required to produce them.
What we’re actually willing to do
Before we measure ourselves against anyone else, we need to ask ourselves: what are we willing to endure?
If we’re not willing to exercise every day, then we can’t expect to be fit. If we’re not willing to have challenging conversations with the people we care about, then we can’t expect to have deep relationships. If we’re not willing to work harder than everyone else around us, then we can’t expect to be better than average.
None of this means we need to sacrifice everything to achieve something meaningful. Different levels of ambition are fine. Different commitments are okay. What we can’t do is expect outcomes that our effort doesn’t support.
Pairing expectation with reality
Instead, we need to adjust our expectations to match our willingness to work in each area of life
We need to be honest about how much we’re willing to give of ourselves. Once we know that, we can set realistic expectations for our outcomes. If we want more, we need to do more. If we’re not willing to do more, we need to make peace with wanting differently.
Some say the key to happiness is low expectations, but it’s really honest expectations. Expectations that reflect what we’re willing to do.
The most useful version of jealousy isn’t the kind that poisons how we see ourselves. It’s the kind that tells us something true about what we value, and asks us whether we’re willing to pay for it.
Prompts
Think of someone whose success makes you feel envious. What exactly is it about their life that you want?
If you could trade places with that person on an hour-by-hour basis for one week, what would that actually look like? Which parts of their daily life would you be unwilling to live?
In one area of your life where you want better results, how much are you genuinely willing to work? What does that look like on a daily basis?
Deep Dive
Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life - Luke Burgis
An exploration of why we want what we want, and a toolkit for freeing ourselves from chasing unfulfilling desires.
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you next Sunday.
Kevin