Want Their Life? Make Sure You Want Their Problems Too
The more secure we are in our decision making the less jealous we become.
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The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.
Steven Furtick
We can’t be jealous of others unless we’re willing to make the trade-offs they are.
If we want to play in the NBA but we’re unwilling to train every day and sacrifice other pursuits, we shouldn’t be jealous of those willing to put in the work and make those sacrifices. When we compare ourselves with others, we need to consider not just outward appearances but also all the work that was done behind the scenes.
We should make decisions we feel confident in based on the trade-offs we’re willing to make.
If we’re not willing to double our work hours to double our salary, we shouldn’t be jealous of the over-worked person who has more money than us. Instead, we should feel secure knowing we made the right decision for ourselves.
More secure, less affected
The more we understand our decision-making and the trade-offs we’re willing to make, the more confident we become in who we are. The more confident we are, the less affected we are by other people.
We can use this confidence and understanding to intentionally craft a life we love and are willing to live. The trade-offs we’re willing to make and the pursuits we consider worthwhile define what a life well lived looks like.
The more we compare ourselves to others the less secure in our own identity we become. The less secure we become the more we compare ourselves to others.
To avoid these negative feedback loops we have to understand ourselves, what we want, and what we’re willing to sacrifice to get it. Once we understand this we can confidently make choices to build our version of a life well lived.
More success, more bullshit
By definition, most of us will never be in the 1%.
Our culture and the magnification of the 1% via media outlets and social media thrust these people in front of us across countless areas of life. We’re exposed to incredible parents, adventurous travelers, world-class athletes, mega-rich business owners, celebrities, etc.
It’s easy to view these folks are role models or feel jealous about everything they have that we don’t, but what we never see from the 1% is the 99% of bullshit they need to deal with. The more money, fame, and success we accrue the more responsibility, criticism, and distractions are piled onto our plates.
The world keeps turning not because of the incredible feats of the 1% but because of the unnamed and often thankless work of the rest of the world.
Perhaps the best life to live isn’t the life of the ultra-successful one percenter, but one rooted in security and confidence in both who we are and what we’re pursuing.
If we spend the time to understand ourselves and make decisions in line with our values, then we can achieve our unique version of success and peak performance while avoiding all the bullshit that comes from comparison.
Prompts
Who are you most jealous of? Are you willing to do the same work that person does?
How confident are you in the decisions you’ve made in your life?
What can you do this week to better understand yourself and the trade-offs you’re willing to make?
Deep Dive
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
Manson’s breakout bestseller encourages us to be honest and deal with the difficult parts of life instead of pretending like everything is okay.
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you next Sunday.
Kevin