Indulgence Shouldn’t Delay Progress
Learning to control our responsibilities and ambitions to enjoy life's indulgences.
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It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.
Lou Holtz
Guilt is the thief of joy.
Indulging in something fun and relaxing should be enjoyable, but it often leaves us feeling anxious and guilty. We're constantly pursuing worthwhile goals while juggling a laundry list of daily obligations.
When we step away from these priorities to engage in something pleasurable, we're forced to pause all our pursuits and responsibilities.
It's challenging to enjoy anything with the weight of responsibility looming over us.
We've all been—or been with—that person who can't stop checking work emails or mentioning the downsides of what should be a relaxing and fun activity.
This guilt makes it impossible for us to enjoy what should be the best parts of life.
To-do Tetris
This constant state of anxiety stems from a lack of structure in our lives. When we're disorganized and don't have a clear plan, our brain struggles to manage our responsibilities effectively.
In this chaotic state, we're plagued by open loops - unfinished tasks and unresolved issues that constantly nag at our consciousness. As a result, we're left with a persistent feeling that we're forgetting something important or that we should be doing more.
This cycle of uncertainty is relentless. Obligations continue to fall on our plate like a game of Tetris and we never feel like we're truly done with anything, creating a perpetual state of unease.
Stepping away from this Tetris-like game of responsibilities means all the blocks will come crashing down. This existential dread is why it's so hard to enjoy things that should be fun—it feels like everything important is falling apart if we're not giving it our undivided attention.
Unlike in Tetris, real life allows us to see upcoming challenges and decide how to tackle them.
The guilt and anxiety stem from our reluctance to take control of everything on our plate.
Planning to live in the moment
To enjoy life we need to build a plan we can trust and execute it.
There is no way to stop the flow of new pursuits and responsibilities. Instead, we need to control them.
To indulge without guilt or anxiety we need to give our brain reassurances that everything won’t fall apart if we decide to put our responsibilities on the back burner for awhile.
Without a plan our brains don’t trust we will get the important things done. With a plan our brains see a clear path to handling what’s important and turn off the alarm bells so we can relax.
Instead of obligations and goals piling up in a heap for us to do right now, planning allocates a dedicated time in the future to handle each of these. This exercise closes the open loops in our brains.
To remove the anxiety we don’t need to complete the task—we just need to demonstrate to ourselves that we have a clear path to do so.
When we have a firm grasp of our obligations and their timelines, relaxing and living in the moment becomes as enjoyable as it should be.
Counterintuitively, planning is the best way to be spontaneous, live in the moment, and savor life's best parts.
Prompts
When do you feel obligations nagging when you should be enjoying yourself?
Do you have a clear plan for your most important pursuits and obligations?
What measures can you take to ease your mind before your next indulgence?
Deep Dive
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen
The guidebook for taking control of your responsibilities and obligations.
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you next Sunday.
Kevin