Just don't lose
We don’t need to win to create an extraordinary life.
Energy and persistence conquer all things.
Benjamin Franklin
When I was 13, I used to play ping pong against my Dad every night.
After dinner, we would head out to the garage and buckle down for a 3-game series that would inevitably extend into at least 5 or 7 games as we kept playing.
For years, I would always lose. I felt like I was the better player, but could never come out on top. As a sore loser, I channeled all my frustration into trying new strategies to win. I tried different serves, crazy spin shots, and hitting it as hard as I could into the corners, but I still couldn’t beat him.
Finally, I stopped trying to win and lightly hit the ball back into the middle of the table every shot as a form of protest. After a few volleys, my Dad hit it into the net, and I won the point. I did it again, and he hit it off the back of the table.
After a few points, I was ahead and eventually won the game. I did the same thing the next game and won that one too.
Minimizing mistakes > maximizing winning
I accidentally stumbled across a strategy that would allow me to dominate my Dad in ping pong for years to come: just don’t lose.
Instead of trying to hit crazy shots and make my Dad miss, all I had to do was get the ball over to the other side of the table and let him make a mistake. I didn’t have to “win” a single point to win the game; I just couldn’t lose.
There are no style points or bonuses for hitting a “better” shot. The only thing that matters is not losing. The fancier I got, the more likely I was to lose the point.
This would never work if I were playing competitively, but it gets the job done against 90% of the ping pong playing population and most other games in life.
A winning record with worthwhile pursuits
The worthwhile pursuits in our lives don’t require high-level excellence. The harder we try, the more likely we are to make mistakes or burn out.
Staying fit, eating healthy, nurturing relationships, and progressing our careers are not games that we need to win. They are games we just can’t lose. All we need to do is show up every day and do the equivalent of hitting the ball over the net.
It doesn’t have to be pretty, it doesn’t need to be impressive, and it’s probably not all that exciting on a day-to-day basis, but if we consistently dink the ball back over the net for every day, we will have a winning record in all of the most important areas of our lives.
Prompts
In each of the worthwhile pursuits in your life, what does simply hitting the ball back over the net look like each day?
Where is trying to win backfiring for you?
In what ways have ordinary, but consistent actions created extraordinary results in your life?
Deep Dive
Advice from a Stanford behavior scientist on building lasting habits with small changes.
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you next Sunday.
Kevin