Better Out Than In
The more we leave thoughts in our heads, the more distorted our reality becomes.
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We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.
Seneca
We’re thinking constantly and there’s not much we can do to stop or control it.
All of these thoughts are what make us unique.
Based on our thoughts, opinions, and beliefs we take action and those actions define who we become and how we think about the world.
We think we act, then repeat the cycle, further defining who we are and what we do.
Unfortunately, most of the thoughts we have are not an accurate representation of reality.
Our brain distorts what is really going on, makes assumptions, protects us from certain truths, and creates its own version of the world.
We get ourselves into all kinds of trouble when we base our actions on a false reality rather than what’s really happening.
Distortion Stems from Containment
The distortion of the thoughts trapped in our heads is inevitable.
The longer we hold onto opinions and beliefs the more they are corroded and warped.
When we hold onto thoughts without clarifying them with ourselves or validating them with others, we’re operating on inaccurate information.
We may think we believe in something or that someone else wants us to act in a specific way, but if we spend the time to audit our thinking or run it by someone else those illusions usually melt away.
If we keep our thoughts contained we end up doing what we think we want or what we think others want instead of doing what’s needed.
Articulating Our Way to Clarity
To audit our thinking and clarify our jumbled thoughts we need to get out of our heads.
When we put pen to paper and journal we can investigate our thoughts and motivations clearly.
We can peel back the layers and question not only what we’re thinking, but why we’re thinking it.
Peeling the layers back shows us our true motivations and helps us understand why we think what we think and if what we’re thinking is helping us or holding us back.
We can also clarify our thinking by talking to others.
Too often we do what we think someone else wants without asking them what they need.
When we articulate our thoughts to others and ask them questions the false reality we built in our minds crumbles.
The fragile assumptions we took as the truth are replaced by a clear understanding of another person and what’s important to them.
If we choose to keep everything trapped in our heads then we’ll have to accept that our reality is distorted.
To clarify our thoughts we need to do the difficult and uncomfortable work of challenging our own thoughts and having uncomfortable conversations with those around us.
The more we can get our thoughts out of our heads the clearer they will become.
Prompts
Are you better at investigating your own thoughts or uncovering the thoughts of others?
What thoughts or beliefs drive most of your behavior? Where did they come from?
What is something you think you’re doing for someone else that you’ve never explicitly asked them about? How can you verify your thinking with them?
Deep Dive
Crucial Conversations - Kerry Patterson
“Tools for talking when stakes are high”
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you next Sunday.
Kevin